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Bikerdude

Taking a step back... from the edge

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I have been a member since 2009 and have done a lot of work on TDM in that time. Over this time I took on more and more responsibilities, which eventually lead to me becoming part of the core team that kept the lights on.

But in a nutshell, the last 18 months have demonstrated that despite my love and dedication to something that has been a big part of my life for so long, I have without intending to do so, inadvertently caused harm which overshadowed any good I did. There has been constant friction between myself and some of the members of the team, to the point where the situation became abusive and anything I did was seen as toxic, neither of which are conducive to a creative environment. For a more detailed explanation see below -

 

The it all started before & around the time Airship-ballet joined the forum, she had been suffering from health problem that effected her mentally. As some of you may remember, she posted a picture of herself on her motorcycle when she first joined and told me in pm what health issue she was dealing with. She mentioned that it robbed her of the ability to ride her motorcycle at which point I offered to take her out for rides on the back on mine. She took my genuine offer completely out of context, thinking instead I was coming onto her. From that point onwards she was openly hostile towards me and as I learned a very long time afterwards from Goldwell she had been going behind my back making disparaging remarks to other forums members and generally slandering my name. But after all that in the end she left, leaving a very bitter and biased outburst slating the mod, which confirmed to the core team she was still suffering from her aforementioned health issues.

During all the above time my forums comm style as I found out managed to rub up another bunch of forum and team members, but I only found out after the fact because the people concerned didn't come and talk to me. But instead complained about me to other core team members or other forums members. One of those forum members was Goldwell, as you know he and I worked on his first map. I thought at the time had a good rapport, spending time on Skype talking all things TDM, it was great. But unbeknownst to me at the time I had been too blunt and aggressive with my mapping help. But rather than talking me about it, he choose to confide in Airship ballet, which as he told me a long time after was not the best idea at the time. But as I learned much later, the damage was done because we never worked on anything ever again.

Springheel and I have never what would call a working relationship from day one, this primarily due to his blunt way of saying and dealing with people, which I appreciate is ironic coming from me. As I later found out I wasn't alone in this, as it turns out a number of other team members that have left had similar issue's with him. And to make matters worse I can only guess at this point that the forum/team members I managed to aggravate (see above) enough to complain about me complained directly to Springheel which meant he and I were never going to get along. This appeared from my perspective to result in every reply or comment from him to any of my posts was irksome or confrontational. But later as I found out part of the reason for his shortness was the fact that he was doing almost all the forum/tdm admin tasks, and the lack of free time to work on creating fun things was taking its toll.

Move along a period of time where I befriended SirTaffsalot and SteveL, we actually met in person a number of times to share stuff we had been working on. SirTaff came over to my place a few times where I helped him with maps he had been working on, but as I came to discovered my style of teaching despite not meaning too was again a bit to blunt (this was a long before the above with Goldwell). This meant the situation only got worse, to the point where at the last time SirTaff, SteveL and I met for another tdm meet I managed to say the wrong thing. The end result was both SirTaff and SteveL pretty much stopped posting in the forums, so as a result of me not learning from my mistakes the community lost a mapper and coder. I asked the core team if I should leave after explained what had happened, I stayed but this was another nail in the coffin.

As people will be aware some time ago Springheel announced that he would be stepping back from the majority of his admin duties and the mod creatively, working instead in a consultant, advisory role etc. As I had been taking on more and more of the duties and tasks, I offered to take on a lot of the admin roles he had been doing. Some people were not happy at all about this, and again as I found out well after the fact, some people were actively requesting (Airship ballet being one of them) I be removed as an admin.

Then we have the whole Steam greenlight issue, over the years I kept broaching the subject of getting TDM on steam greenlight getting a lacklustre response from the whole team. So I took it upon myself to take the unitive and contacted Valve and get the ball rolling, most team members were happy with this. But Springheel as I came to see in hindsight was quite rightly outraged I had not consulted the team before going ahead and doing that. This caused a shit storm of drama that ended up effecting the whole team, and effecting me tremendously causing me to make my biggest mistake to this point.

 

As an admin I had the ability to delete my own account, which in doing so I unintentionally and without realising the consequences managed to nuke all 18,000+ of my own posts along with the images etc. This essentially broke the forum, some of you will remember there was a day early on this year where the forum was down for a day or so, this was because Taaaki had to do a full restore of the forum. Thankfully he managed to get all the missing data back.

We eventually get 10k votes & become number 1 at the time on Steam Greenlight (SGL), but this hasn't been moved forward in any significant way due to the inherent legal issues TDM as an open-source CC based project has with the steam platform. So the end result? it was all for nothing. I waisted a significant amount of my own time and effort and caused irreparable harm & drama while I was at it.

As some will be ware Goldwell became a full team member which happened all very quickly, as in there had been no prior discussion on the matter just a single post asking in the team had an issue with it. At the time I questioned why there had been no prior discussion, but got a lacklustre response. After becoming a team member he would then have became ware of the above shit-storm surrounding SGL etc. It was at this point he started openly calling me out on any new mistakes I made and continually reminding me of my old ones which was fair enough. But as time went on both Goldwell and Springheel would take see anything I did (as I saw it), mistake or not, big or small.

It was at that point I told the team I was stepping back from the mod, I no longer wanted to be an admin or a team member and posted this thread. But as I found out a few days ago, the team had been discussing removing me as an admin, but excluding me from the conversation. Fast forward to now, where I PM'd the whole team regarding the fact that a lot of the admin duties I had been doing were not getting done in a timely manor. I offered to help with some of those task but now in hindsight realise that was a stupid suggestion, then Goldwell as I saw it took it upon himself to give me his personal opinion.

And most recently I learned that I have managed to alienate Melan, someone I respected and enjoyed doing a lot of collaborative work with. So I appreciate the community would like me to stay, but if we consider ALL the mistakes I have made and my continued mistakes. Any energy and motivation I have to do anything mod related, is being over shadowed. So I am leaving the mod permanently, I tried to finish Shadowhide's city mission and the second omens mission. This is not going to happen! I have permanently deleted any and all data I had related to the Darkmod from all local drives and cloud backups.



So I have I made the decision to leave the mod (updated as of today). I had previously relinquished ownership of accounts and services that I setup and had been looking after to the care of the core team members. Any future TDM related requests (hosting an FM, getting forum or SVN access or getting assets added to the core mod etc) should now be directed at the team as I will no longer be an admin, or a team member,

I have handed all abandoned works over to Flood for adoption - http://forums.thedarkmod.com/topic/12713-abandoned-works/page-5?do=findComment&comment=421078

 

Update -

  • So I am leaving the mod permanently - the trip to The Netherlands gave me some new inspiration, so for now yes this is no longer the case.
  • I have permanently deleted any and all data I had related to the Darkmod from all local drives and cloud backups - almost all of the data is gone, all that left is shadowhides city mission and all the prefabs I made. And thats assuming someone didnt take a backup of my MEGAsync archive.
Edited by Bikerdude
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Here is a link to all the resources I have collected and created over the years -

 

- mega

 

And for those who are interested, here is a copy of Komag's repository which includes 800+ T1/T2 & T3 FMs -

 

- mega

 

These have now been deleted, see the Abandon Works thread.

Edited by Bikerdude
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Well... shit.

 

I've only been a lurker (until now, signed up for the mapper workshop) but regardless I've always loved playing your FMs. Heck I didn't even notice any friction - maybe it wasn't public, or I wasn't paying attention. Regardless though, if you feel the need to take a break then it's definitely the most mature approach here. Probably good for your mental health as well. I hope you return at some point after things settle down. Good luck!

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I know bikerdude personally (got to meet him during the time I was living in london) and hes this cool, friendly guy, whos done a whole lot of incredible work around here. I think we all appreaciate enormously all the concern and solicitude in actively helping new mappers getting their ideas out the door, all the busy work producing new material for the mod and all the insane amount of missions, map architecture you built, some of the most beloved missions in the mod history for sure... Speaking for myself, who has seen life going in all sorts of directions and only come here sporadically, its only natural you would feel like pursuing other things after devoting so much energy in this place, spending so much time with the same people. Its good to be able to turn off, invest in other interests. I would suggest painting ;) . Im sure you will feel like creating some more after you take some time off and find other inspirations.

Edited by RPGista
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Hey Biker,

 

I'm sorry to hear about this - you were a great and genuine help to me as I was learning how to map, a true mentor. None of my missions would have turned out anywhere as good as they did if it hadn't been for your help and guidance. I hope this is just a temporary turn of events, but regardless you've left an indelible mark on this community and those of us in it.

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But you should walk having internal dignity. Be a wonderful person who can dance pleasantly to the rhythm of the universe.

-Sun Myung Moon

 

My work blog: gfleisher.blogspot.com

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I'm really sorry to hear this! Has it anything to do with the whole Steam Greenlight thing you started? It's a shame that friction is so often caused in mods with several core members! I missed the trouble when The Babylon Project was released, but I feel a lot of animosity even now between some of the people who were involved at the time...

Edited by wesp5
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I am also very sorry to hear it! I have been on the board not too long, but you were always one of the most supportive guys here. Not only regarding the mod itself, but with anything that you could help with. In my experience some time apart from people you bashed heads with can do wonders to your relationship and so I hope that you will be back soon after you gained some distance.

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That's sad news :(

 

You've set very high bar for yourself. Always been super friendly and helpful to new mappers, beyond highest expectations, really. It's only natural to take a break in a situation like this.

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Damn, I'll be bumping your missions up on the to do list, then, to say the least.

Never noticed any friction, you will be missed if you are as absent as you claim you will be.

Edited by V-Man339
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I like to record difficult stealth games, and right now you wonderful people are the only ones delivering on that front.

Click here for the crappy channel where that happens.

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I hope you will find the strength to finish what you may have and take it easy. Nothing is more important than health and your personal life with your friends and loved ones.

It is always helpful and a good idea to switch over to something else when you feel the need to. Life goes on and you will be fondly remembered.

 

A question that I've left is just a suggestion to not forget to add this to 2.06 as I contacted you on the matter. All the time there is something going on and it never seems to be working properly due to Tels leaving and now you bikerdude.

 

Best regards and have a good day!

http://bugs.thedarkmod.com/view.php?id=4523


"I really perceive that vanity about which most men merely prate — the vanity of the human or temporal life. I live continually in a reverie of the future. I have no faith in human perfectibility. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active — not more happy — nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago. The result will never vary — and to suppose that it will, is to suppose that the foregone man has lived in vain — that the foregone time is but the rudiment of the future — that the myriads who have perished have not been upon equal footing with ourselves — nor are we with our posterity. I cannot agree to lose sight of man the individual, in man the mass."...

- 2 July 1844 letter to James Russell Lowell from Edgar Allan Poe.

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I guess I am speaking for anyone that despite the friction, we are very thankful for all you have done and achieved. I am hoping you'll stick around.

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Bikerdude, I can only echo the hopes of others, that you will continue to stick around and help other mappers and continue to create map content as you have done for so long. Taking a step back seems a totally reasonable reaction, but you are (it seems to me) such an important part of TDM, that to lose you would be a blow to the TDM community. You have given so much to this community, and I hope you realize that a lot of us recognize all you have done, I'm sure that I am not the only person to think so. I can only say thanks for all you have done! Thanks to you, and more people, (you know who you are) who have recently posted vids on how-tos, I have started trying getting into making maps. One of the things keeping me going was the thought that no matter how bad I messed things up, you could have fixed it for me! Hopefully, in the next two years, (my estimated completion time) you will still be around to fix all my screw-ups! Cheers to you, and thanks for all your time and effort!

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No, this is simply impossible, biker.

You're simply an amazing inspiration for all the mappers around. No "overshadowing" is possible.

Though I don't fully agree, the fact that I haven't seen any waves brought from your deeds alone is proof enough that I don't think your leaving is remotely necessary.

I feel as though many here will echo that sentiment and find you should stay unless you're truly, utterly dedicated to this choice.

 

If there was group drama, then I'm quite sure all involved would be willing to look past the issues and realize you're all contributing to something greater. But if your preferred solution is to bring swift resolution by bowing out... Well, let me just say I understand the decision.

 

Whatever you do, I can safely say I speak on behalf of the overwhelming majority of users when we say best wishes to you.

Edited by V-Man339
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I like to record difficult stealth games, and right now you wonderful people are the only ones delivering on that front.

Click here for the crappy channel where that happens.

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What? What the hell happen? You harming this mod?! How?

 

Bikerdude please think this through, i agree with the ones that say, you should stay, don't let any small fight diminish all the years of work you did for this mod, he exists because of you has well, i don't know what happen but imo going away is not the answer.

 

Take a break if you may but please return, imo this community needs your expertise.

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What? How can it happen that a core team member thinks he is not belonging to the team any more? I can not prove it but I believe you, biker, did just put as much time into the mod as the other team members, so I can not understand how this could have happened.

All the years I was, and I still believe, that you're one of the most successful modding teams out in the whole internet! What you guys realized in the past years was just unbelievable and it was recognized by all important gaming websites. So I will hope you guys will find together again and get rid of the (silly) differences that just happen if you work as passionate as you guys are about your work. Come back together and don't make anyone go who just put as much love into the project as you did!

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"Einen giftigen Trank aus Kräutern und Wurzeln für die närrischen Städter wollen wir brauen." - Text aus einem verlassenen Heidenlager

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Somewhat late to this topic but I have to say that I am appalled that a friendly and helpful poster like yourself can be driven to take this action

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I am appalled that a friendly and helpful poster like yourself can be driven to take this action

Its not that simple Jim, I am responsible for a number of things that led to this point. I made a bunch of avoidable mistakes, some small and some so big they affected the whole mod/forum.

 

Some team members quite rightly and wrongly had issues with some of things I did, but in a lot of instances my pov was not acknowledged which then lead to the aforementioned friction. Some of said my past mistakes caused two forum members to leave, which was a result of me trying to be helpful but just saying the wrong thing(online and in person). Then recently other team member called me out on my mistakes (which was fine) but then it got abusive.So after all that, its better for the mod that I take a step back.

 

And lets be honest, other than some mapping & texture grunt work I haven't usefully contributed that much to the mod beyond my free time.

Edited by Bikerdude

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Some character types just don't mix well with each other, maybe it's all about opposing personality traits - and sometimes it's easy to take things as personal attack when people feel attached to thing you are questioning.

Edited by ERH+

S2wtMNl.gif

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Don't devalue yourself.

 

This mod wouldn't be nearly what it is today, without your presence. And you know it, I think. Maybe these petty squabbles have led you to question your contribution. And that's not right.

 

Anyway, here's hoping you'll eventually come to your senses.

 

cheers

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Really sorry to hear about this. :unsure: You will still go on mapping though, won't you? You made some of my favorite missions, so, pretty please. :D

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I've been a part of this community now since we got the first alpha of the game, and the only map was

a cave to a half completed mansion. Bikerdude was around all this time, and this is very sad news.

 

Sorry to hear this BD. You've helped me numerous times in getting my map out, and probably a lot of other people. I love playing

your maps, in face last night I played Crucible (loved it), one of the best maps in TDM I think. I hope you won't stop making maps,

as it'd be a huge hole you'd leave, as you're most definitely the most prolific mapper in TDM.

 

If you leave the community, I have to say you will be missed by it. So keep on mapping fella, and thanks for all the help

and great maps. :) Personally; I hope you decide to stay and keep making ur maps and helping new mappers like

myself.

Edited by NeonsStyle

I have an eclectic YouTube channel making videos on a variety of games. Come and have look here:

https://www.youtube.com/c/NeonsStyleHD

 

Dark Mod Missions: Briarwood Manor - available here or in game

http://forums.thedarkmod.com/topic/18980-fan-mission-briarwood-manor-by-neonsstyle-first-mission-6082017-update-16/

 

 

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