Metal Gear Solid 3

[Hylix Ulyx]

Does Hideo Kojima even play his own games?

 

I recently got a playstation 2 (again, after selling my old one a few years back), so I finally got a chance to play some of the more hyped games that came out in the past six months or so. GTA: San Andreas, Siren, and Silent Hill 4 to name the few.

 

Yesterday, I rented MGS 3: Snake Eater.

 

I was looking forward to this title even in lieu of my general malaise (sic) at the series as a whole. I wasn't that impressed with MGS 2, though unlike most I enjoyed the storyline. The gameplay was tiresome, and I wasn't too thrilled being at the helm of an androgenous blond in latex. Mr. Kojima had begun to fall off. Like it or not, Mr. Kojima is the father of the stealth genre, and it was kind of sad to see him fading away.

 

Then I heard about Snake Eater.

 

I figured with all of the top notch (and I use that two word phrase loosely) stealth titles that recently hit the scene, I figured Hideo Kojima would step up and delivery a brand of stealth only he could, thus reclaiming his crown. I hoped that, in the spirit of humility, he would see what more recent stealth titles had offered, accept how the genre has evolved, and assimilate the finer aspects into his own game, thus providing his loyal subjects with a well honed stealth machine, through which we could be processed and refined.

 

It is not to be.

 

15 or so hours later, I'm watching the credits.

 

"But Hylix!" You may be thinking, "15 hours of solid gameplay is par for the course nowadays! Whatever are you going on about?"

 

While that statement is true, it has no relevence here.

 

Why? You ask.

 

Well, I take issue with the phrase "Solid Gameplay".

 

I just completed one more playthrough, this time skipping the movies.

 

On Normal Difficulty, No Special Weapon use, and a Haphazard Sprint from beginning to end collecting only what I could from memory...I completed Kojima's best in Three and One-half hours.

 

That's right people...Minus some continues my first playthrough, roughly 10 Hours of Movies and Codec Conversations.

 

In his attempt to refine the characters, storyline, sounds, visuals, realism, and man-destroying-himself dogma, Hideo Kojima forgot he was making a game.

 

Not only that, what little actual gameplay is there is riddled with Why's.

 

Why can't I move in first person?

Why can the enemies spot me from across the map, but the camera will only let me see the floor?

Why does Snake run like he shit himself?

Why can Snake "climb" a tree, but not a fence?

Why can I only "climb" one or two trees per forest?

Why are the only trees I can "climb" essentially really round ladders?

Why can Snake pull himself up from a ledge after hanging precariously off a cliff, but can't mantle onto a box two pixels higher than his waist?

Why can I "mantle" onto a box waist high, but not simple step over a wall knee high?

If Snake is allegedly the sum of his years in Special Forces, and the greatest soldier ever to walk the face of the earth, why can he not move and crouch at the same time? (Sam Fisher does it, and he's supposedly in his early forties.)

Why, after witnessing Snake (in a fifteen minute long cinematic) take on 7 Spetznaz agents single handedly, using the finest judo/aikido ever put to polygons, are my hand-to-hand fighting options limited to "punch, punch, kick"?

Why must I be adept at brain surgery to understand the gamepad input scheme?

Why, with all of the brain surgery I am forced to do with my controller, is there no fucking JUMP button?

 

Is this not the 21st century?

 

Perhaps then, it is not that he forgot to make the game, he just forgot how.

 

Mr. Kojima: I implore you. Give up game design, and direct CG movies.

 

Your Films would be a whole lot more fun, make a whole lot more sense, and be a whole lot more interactive.

 

Please forgive the rant. Flame me if you must.

 

Hylix.