The Great CPU upgrade Caper

[nbohr1more]

I have decided to chronicle my foolish attempts to get a P4 3.4Ghz (Northwood) CPU without my wife closing in on my activities.

 

In my previous caper, I wanted the ability to play the Ghostbusters game and was below specification in several key areas:

 

RAM: 512MB (needed to be 2GB)

Video Card: Radeon 9500 Pro (Needed SM 3.0 capability)

Hard Drive 120GB (needed more space or there would be conflicts about Photos verses Games... )

 

So I first tried to lobby for the additional RAM as it would improve Photo editing performance. But this was always delayed. Then I was struck with the "luck" of hardware problems in the Hard Drive. I was able to convince my wife that the RAM upgrade would go great with the new Hard Drive.

 

(Phase 1, complete)

 

So then I begged for the Video Card as a combined Birthday/X-mas/Fathers Day gift.

 

I was given a paltry $65 limit. I found an HD3850 AGP at Mwave for just above my allowance and ordered it.

When the card arrived, I found that is was wrongly labeled and was in-fact a PCI-E card.

 

This setback was after all kinds of harrowing arguments about how I waste too much time and money on video games (my dusty ole Gamecube begs to differ).

 

A co-worker got wind of my predicament and offered his 7300GT for $45. After looking at reviews I found that the card was just shy of a 6600GT performance-wise and decided to jump.

 

The new card allowed me to crank-up the IQ in HL2 and Doom 3 (and thus TDM Saint Lucia) and I was even able to play the Batman AA demo (at very low resolution).

 

(Phase 2, complete)

 

Now I needed the Ghostbusters game! I had to wait 'till the year rolled around again and traded my Best Buy gift cards for permission to buy the game on Steam.

 

It ran like a dog.

 

After tweaking and fussing for over 2 months, I found some nVidia beta drivers on nvnews that pepped it up to playable at 800x600. But I was bothered that the Stay Puft level was still so slow.

 

(Phase 3, complete)

 

Now I had my sights on a better video card and decided I would have to take more drastic measures. I told my wife's friend's husband about my need to complete this objective and all my secret plans. He must've relayed this to his wife because she informed me that her co-worker needed PC repair! I arranged meetings before and after work to collect and return the infected laptop. After two secret trips to the bank to convert the personal check, I had accumulated $65. . So back to square 1 sorta.

 

(Another set-back)

 

My wife found the money and discovered the scheme. (she took all the money).

 

(Back to work)

 

My father-in-law secretly gave me a gift of $100 (he must've intuited my tortured life). I took this as Karma and secretly transferred the cash to a cash-card. I ordered the HD4650 online and had it shipped to my Grandma's house. When it arrived I was able to justify my late visit to Grandma and sneak the card into the house, AND... install the card, all in the same evening. I even had enough money left on the card to order HL2 EP1 and EP2! My wife had no idea that a new video-card was screaming away in that old case!

 

Ghostbusters was still sluggish but seemed more playable at higher resolutions. But there were unbearable intermittent lockups!!! I was afraid that I had wasted all that effort. I was using the latest Catalyst AGP Hotfix so I decided to try older drivers. I found that 9.10 was the last version with SmartGart (so I could do stuff like disabling Fast-Writes if necessary...). This driver smoothed out all the lockups and left me with only slowdowns (which was acceptable). I was able to tour the Ghostbusters' HQ at 1280x1024 very smoothly.

 

The Stay Puft level is still slow and now I pine (a little) for a faster CPU as some forum posters claim that 3.4Ghz is enough to get over the hump on that level.

 

(Mission Complete?)

 

So, somehow my wife became suspicious a couple of months later. She wouldn't stop badgering me about some secret she claimed I was hiding. I finally relented (needed sleep) and revealed my caper. So I am in the dog house.

 

(Mission Fail? ...or setup for a Sequel!)

 

So I got back around to putting The Dark Mod back into Doom 3. This time it was MUCH slicker and there a bunch of Fan Missions to complete. I was happy again! But then the NHAT campaign arrived. I was looking forward to wandering that Forest level in the screenshots!!! After much acrimony, I found that my poor old CPU was (yet again) defeated by a modern game.

 

So now I have decided! I must find a way to get enough dough for a Northwood 3.4ghz CPU!!!!!

 

I hope you will laugh along as I fumble my way to better computer hardware.

 

(or pity my worthless soul).

[aidakeeley]

Hilarious (hopefully hyperbolic) hi-jinks!

[ungoliant]

buy her a stream of fairly cheap gifts for the next few months, and lie about how much they cost. If she asks for the receipts so she knows how much you are spending, act very wounded and offended, and give her some cliche about looking a gift horse in the mouth or something. Stash the extra money that you 'spent' some place safe. Continue until you get most of the money you need.

 

When you are getting close, sell off your old CPU for $20 or something for the home stretch, order the new cpu online, and then tell her you don't feel like playing on your computer for the next week, and want to spend more time with her. As soon as you get the new cpu, install it when shes not home, and you're home free.

 

 

[nbohr1more]

I like your thought process ungoliant... but she would be totally incredulous about the idea that I would sacrifice ANY computer time...

[aidakeeley]

Get her addicted to TDM? See how she like not being able to play NHAT.

[SneaksieDave]

Art imitates life?

[Darkman]

omg...

 

say, is your wife some kind of "female version of arnold schwarzenegger"? it seems to be very obvious, who of you two is the boss in that familiy

 

 

hint: next time you try to collect/upgrade some components, BLACKJACK her first! this might give you enough time to finish the tasks (but... if she wakes up too early, she surely will finish you)

 

anyway, good luck with your further "journey" !

Edited May 27, 2010 by Darkman

[7upMan]

Dude, I gotta say, you're a real macho-man. And I thought my wife (gf, actually) can be headstrong. Well, if you ever by chance meet an Arab, ask him how many camels (or sheep, or donkeys, or goats) he would pay for a "beauuuutiful white woman, first class really, and all your friends will admire you, my muslim friend!". Then finish the deal, sell the camels/sheep/donkeys/goats and live a carefree life with the fastest gaming rig money can buy. Problem solved! 

[nbohr1more]

...never under-estimate the power of nagging (there was a recent story about a dude who jumped out of a moving car due to nagging... I totally understood that fellow.)

 

Well... my son would have a little trouble with the whole "I'm selling yer mom to an Arab" arrangement. (But that would be a funny, if not politically correct, story for a Fan Mission... steal a lady and sell her to an Arab for his Harem...)

[New Horizon]

Wow, are other people's marriages like this? I can't comprehend it at all. Scheming, hiding money, taking money, it just sounds rather destructive to me. My wife and I are in no way well off, so we have a very tight budget but we keep a separate 'joint expense' account for the house payments, groceries, taxes, etc...and anything else goes into our own separate personal accounts. I have no idea how much money my wife has in here personal account, nor does she know mine...I don't need to know. She earns her money, and keeps her share of the joint expense account topped up and so do I. I'm the lower earner of the house, so my personal account is usually close to empty...and I'm sure she can do the math, but she doesn't interfere. lol I simply can't imagine my wife taking money or anything from me, or me taking anything from her. To us, that would be stealing.

[nbohr1more]

I guess this should've been broached before marriage but... my wife thinks video-games are a useless pursuit, a virtual lotus-land, and the bane of her existence...

 

She also claimed to love rock music but now only listens to Folk and Country...

[SneaksieDave]

You sir, have been duped! Demand a recount.

[7upMan]

Well, I too ask my gf if she allows certain not totally necessary expenses, simply because she helps me put things into perspective. Say, I'd love to have that new AMD six-core CPU together with a fast SSD and the fastest RAM available for my rig. Of course, she wouldn't allow this, simply because the games on my computer run fast enough, but if I were a huge Crysis fan, I could imagine that she's allow the purchase - simply to stop me begging, I suppose. 

 

I guess the best way to handle these kinds of things is to discuss them and to find reasonable ways to make allowances, as long as they don't hurt. I like NH's approach a lot, even if it would not be possible in my family.

 

Niels Bohr (?): To make an FM out of that idea would be indeed great. Totally politically incorrect, of course, but I don't think many Arabs/Muslims play TDM. Or do they?

 

 

[nbohr1more]

I just like Neils Bohr so I use him for my virtual identity in many places... (You can track my crazy rambling at Rage3d and Beyond3D if you are a fan of posting before thinking... which I often do... ).

 

Ungoliant gave me a spark on an idea.

 

My wife does not object to the acquisition of DVD's. So I can request permission to purchase a bunch of action films (etc) then trade them in...

 

Yeah, a bit wasteful... I will have to cook-up something more efficient... (or more fun)...

 

(Anyone know of any Goonies style hidden-treasure legends for Western NY?)

[Darkman]

I guess this should've been broached before marriage but... my wife thinks video-games are a useless pursuit, a virtual lotus-land, and the bane of her existence...

 

She also claimed to love rock music but now only listens to Folk and Country...

 

 

"marriage"... welcome to your personal D O O M (no, NOT the game this time) ! "*shiver*

 

but thats just MY opinion...

[New Horizon]

"marriage"... welcome to your personal D O O M (no, NOT the game this time) ! "*shiver*

 

but thats just MY opinion...

 

Depends on the situation. My wife and I respect each others individuality, while still maintaining the cooperative aspects of the relationship.

[aidakeeley]

Better yet, find a "good" (attractive) white woman and sell her to a black man (they pimp 'em and shit).

 

Blacks don't play TDM do they?

 

Or -- and this'll make a great mission plus it works in real life too -- find an "exotic" Chinese chick (aren't they all so exotic and erotic?), bind her up, take her down to the docks and see if any Swedes'll trade you some of their smuggled contraband (loads of it, they got). It's a sure bet, happens all the time.

 

Scandies don't play TDM do they? Drunken depressives.

 

If all that fails -- which would be shockingly inconsistent with the way the world works -- snatch up a nephew or neighbor boy and run him down to the cathedral where the faggot priests will surely fall into a bidding war! You'll be knee-deep in video cards and multi-cores before weeks end!

 

Faggoty, molesty priests (trice-redundant, I know) don't play TDM, surely...

[nbohr1more]

I get your point aidakeeley, but Harems have historically existed (I think there are even a few in current existence?)...

 

...but I agree, some random "Arab" is unlikely to be interested in a wife barter...

 

I am not sure of the spirit of 7upMan's post... I was afraid he had me pegged as a chauvinist... surely I would prefer a more Tomboy wife who actually enjoys rock music and video-games (wouldn't we all) but I hear that these specimens are in short supply compared to say, the shoe-shopping enthusiast... but that might just be an ugly stereo-type and world may be filled to the brim with FPS-gaming girls

[nbohr1more]

Actually I have no idea if "Arabs" are offended by the idea of a Harem or a the fictional portrayal of a historical Arab man looking for a new "wife"...

 

Am I offended by a fictional portrayal of a Crusader killing or abusing someone in Palestine or being a religious hypocrite? Am I offended by a fictional portray of a mad scientist when I admire scientists so much?

 

But, yes, TDM missions probably shouldn't feel free to trample on the feelings of specific groups just because they are unlikely to play this mod.

[nbohr1more]

(but I would love to see Prince of Persia type architecture in a FMS, along with a room full of captive ladies with veils... so maybe I'm an evil person)

[7upMan]

Niels: Nah, aidakeeley ist just still pissed because I disagreed with him in that Off-Topic thread Bikerdude started. Anyway, my point here was completely non-serious and joking. Many many years ago I heard a story about the troubles a man got in some Arab country who jokingly agreed to sell his wife for a few camels. He had quite a hard time to make the authorities realize that this was in no way a legitimate transaction - or so the story goes. I don't know what to think of it, but once in a while I use it to joke around. So, my Arab friends, please don't be offended, I love ya all! 

 

As for you being a chauvinist, no, that's not how I see you. It's more that I think you have to tread carefully around your wife, something that I don't envy at all. I do know that it happens to be surprisingly often that couples live in such a way as you do, something that I was fortunate to avoid in my relationship (not that my gf didn't try it).

 

P.S.: I should have written "some very rich and bored sheik", maybe that would have made the irony clearer.

 

 

[nbohr1more]

Phew! It was getting heavy in here... ...

[aidakeeley]

Nah, aidakeeley ist just still pissed because I disagreed with him in that Off-Topic thread Bikerdude started.

 

Yeah, that's it. Sure.

[nbohr1more]

OK aidakeeley...

 

I cant speak for 7upMan or that contentious thread...

 

...and I wont claim to be pure as silk here, I find many stereotypes amusing and entertaining (including ones about white people, ala Dave Chappelle's skits about us).

 

I really don't have any greater antipathy towards Islamic/Semetic/Bedouin peoples but I find things like 101 Arabian nights, Alladin, and Prince of Persia entertaining.

 

My Turkish friend has regaled many stories about his homeland and the middle-east that any politically-correct person would balk at (filled with stereo-types) but he's entitled to do so because it's his culture I suppose.

 

I guess I'm guilty of playing along to try and ease the tension.

 

(I kinda figured a good number of people in here are from Eastern Europe and may be grumpy about with that whole Mohammad Cartoon censorship thing.)

 

So that's enough apologizing for or rationalizing my inherent racism and backward thinking I think...

 

I am what I am aidakeeley, I think harems and other middle-eastern stereo-types are interesting, or funny...

[SneaksieDave]

So there went a lighthearted and completely terrifying thread. It was either this or Nazis though!

 

If you do try the DVD exchange route, make sure to pick up a copy of The Shining. Oh and sharpen your axe while you watch it with her. And insist that Nicholson isn't really that great an actor.