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Overstepping Physical Boundries and Violence at the Work Place


Sir Taffsalot

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I'm posting this here because in my current emotional state (I'm pretty damn angry! :angry: ) I believe that I am incapable of making a rational decision. I've also been posting here since pretty much the birth of TDM and I really appreciate the insights and opinions of the very well educated regular posters that frequent this forum.

 

A couple of weeks ago some chap that was helping me out left for a better a job and I got a replacement, a chap in his mid twenties. We got on very well. He had a good work ethic and provided interesting and well thought out conversation. Pretty much all I ask for in a work colleague. The only problem is that he over steps intimate physical boundaries. In my office (I'm sure it's the same in most work places) there is a no physical contact rule. Unless someone invites you to physically touch them eg someone offers you their hand to shake it, then in under no circumstances whatsoever do you lay a finger on another work colleague. I would also never lay a finger on anyone outside the office without their consent and would expect the same from anyone else.

 

At first this started out as him sneaking up behind me and tickling me. I took this as a playful sign of expression, nevertheless I did explain to him the rules and told him that I did not like this. I could tell that he was not taking me seriously and he continued. As I did not consider this to be physical assault and a physical display off affection (even though it overstepped personal and work policy boundaries) I did not consider it a need to be reported. I still did tell him not to do this every time he did even though I could he was not taking me seriously.

 

Things soon escalated. Last week I took a day off for a minor op and needed stitches. The next day when I returned to the office the young man in question for no reason at all slapped me hard on the back very near to where I had my stitches. To be fair he didn't no I had stitches but but I could tell things were escalating from tickling to more aggressive forms of intimacy. Again I let it slide as no physical harm was technically done and I saw it more as a sign of affection.

 

Yesterday things escalated to a whole new level. I get into work at 7am and the young man in question gets in at 8am. At 8am I was sitting my desk working on my PC with my headphones in listening to music. I did not hear him come in and he walked up to me from behind and slapped me hard across the face with his security pass. Enraged I stood up and started swearing at him like a trooper. How I managed not to punch his light out I'll never know. Somehow behind that rage I still had the sense to know that the short term benefit of getting physical revenge would not be worth the long term suffering of loosing my job and having to find employment elsewhere. Plus the potential of getting a criminal record for assault. To add salt to the wound he refused to apologize and spent the whole morning laughing about it. It was only when I told him at lunch time that I was considering accusing him of physical assault that he apologized. Even now I still get the impression that he thinks I'm over reacting. We have had no arguments or anything while he's been working here and the slap in the face literally came out of nowhere.

 

As these physical encounters are clearly escalating I'm understandably concerned as to where they could go. Should I report this person for assault or am I overeacting here? What if I say nothing and he assaults another work colleague to a more serious degree? That would make me somewhat responsible as I knew he was capable of violence but didn't say anything. I believe I have a moral obligation to report this so as to protect the potential physical well being of my fellow employees as well as myself. Am I over reacting as he says or should this type of behavior not be tolerated?

Edited by Sir Taffsalot

"I believe that what doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger"

 

The Joker

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My two cents: Yes, report it for sure. There are a couple of problems here. One is that you have no idea where this is leading. He's behaving deeply irrationally -- doing something that is of no obvious benefit to him but that he knows could get him in hot water. Also, just behaving like that when someone has asked you not to several times -- it's not the actions of someone in their right mind. Even if you hadn't asked, causing pain to others is not a rational thing to do. You have no idea what the cause is or how far his behaviour will escalate. But it seems clear that it *is* escalating.

 

The second problem is that you could be the one ending up in trouble, if he continues to put you on edge and provoke reactions from you. If you're the boss then you're in an even more precarious position. But either way, you could do without the stress. Report it, and be to sure to keep a brief record in your diary of relevant incidents and conversations. The problem might end after the formal followup to your report, but if it doesn't you'll be very glad of that diary.

 

Edit: One more thought: Not sure what your local system is, but over here I'd report it as physical harassment.

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Step 1) Tell him to stop. Tell him if he doesn't you will bring this up with your or his superior.

Step 2) If he does it again, tell this to the superior. Tell them you do not want this and it is against company policy.

Step 3) if situation does not improve, report to the superiors superior.

 

Best results will be gained if you all can talk this together. You, the offender and the superior.

 

Take zero tolerance policy and report all infringments. Keep your calm, do not get emotional, but always explain to the other their are doing wrong and you do not like it. Do not respond with violence, but with clear and correct signals. Get the superiors involved and make sure everyone understands this is a big problem which must be dealt with.

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Clipper

-The mapper's best friend.

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Yesterday things escalated to a whole new level, I was sitting my desk working on my PC with my headphones in listening to music. I did not hear him come in and he walked up to me from behind and slapped me hard across the face with his security pass. To add salt to the wound he refused to apologize and spent the whole morning laughing about it. It was only when I told him at lunch time that I was considering accusing him of physical assault that he apologized. Even now I still get the impression that he thinks I'm over reacting. f. Am I over reacting as he says or should this type of behavior not be tolerated?

 

Morning mister

 

No, its not exeptable and I have pinned people up against the wall for less. As other's have suggested have a chat with him infront of your Manager or HR person and explain what he is doing wrong. If he dosent learn and keeps doing it, then that will have been the first of two verbal warnings and the third time he will be sacked. But as I dont know the situation its possble he dosent realise what he is doing and the a stern chat will set things straight.

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I would definitely report him to your boss. I'm sure if they are a decent boss they would have a very serious talk with him or possibly fire him. I mean you're both adults and this isn't some high school gym, its your work place and thats just not the right way to act.

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Best results will be gained if you all can talk this together. You, the offender and the superior.

 

Take zero tolerance policy and report all infringments. Keep your calm, do not get emotional, but always explain to the other their are doing wrong and you do not like it. Do not respond with violence, but with clear and correct signals. Get the superiors involved and make sure everyone understands this is a big problem which must be dealt with.

 

Do this now. Get a superior in the room and then this guys retorts and actions will change dramatically. He can do whatever he wants if there are no other witnesses to the fact. With a superior in the room he'll both know the implications of further action and also, know that you're not simply messing with him/secretly enjoying it. It will finalize the situation.

 

If no one else is aware of what's occurring, how will action be taken?

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it sounds like work place harassment, or work place bullying. plain and simple, you should report them to your supervisor, don't let them get away with saying that they are only playing, or its harmless fun, because its clearly not fun that you are having.

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You've got plenty of reason to report him already--the moment you told him to stop touching you and he refused to listen. If you want to give him one more chance, tell him that the next time you're going to human resources (or whomever handles that at your workplace) and then follow through. That kind of physical contact is NOT normal in workplaces and there's no reason you should tolerate it.

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I'd say after that slap in the face, he lost any benefit of the doubt or rights to leniency. Report him. He needs to be taught a lesson. He can't say he wasn't warned, repeatedly. I've known some people like this, they'll push you to see far they can take it, so you should put your foot down now. I feel for you, because I know it'll make things awkward in the workplace going forward. But I think at this point it has to be done.

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I've dealt with this before with friends, usually younger kids who unintentionally try to assert some sort of physical dominance. But you're the senior at this job, so it had to start small. But yeah, nip that shit in the butt, otherwise it gets out of hand. I've let it go to the point where the other person thought it was okay and I ended up punching her in the face when she touched my crotch.

After that I had to spell it out, no more touching ever. Worked but of course you want it to stop before it gets violent.

I always assumed I'd taste like boot leather.

 

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Report the problem now to both your boss and HR, providing a list of offenses and what you've done to date to stop the bad behavior.

 

The offender isn't taking your objections seriously, and is escalating the situation. Once HR is made aware of what's going on, and the offender understands that this is serious, he should back down. If he doesn't, HR will need to have a paper trail in place to justify dismissal. That paper trail can't start until you talk to someone about the problem.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I reported him to HR and they booted him out the door. I try to be forgiving as no ones perfect (God knows I'm not) and everyone makes mistakes but when it comes to physical violence I have zero tolerance for that sort of thing. There's just no reason for it in the work place.

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"I believe that what doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger"

 

The Joker

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That's good to hear and sad to hear at the same time. In this economy jobs are starting to be really hard to come by, at least around here.

You would think people would work a little harder at keeping the jobs they do have.

Glad you got it straightened out and are safe though :)

I always assumed I'd taste like boot leather.

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

In my country he could just get beaten real good in a dark corner.

That is, when the law doesn't seem to be effective.

"I really perceive that vanity about which most men merely prate — the vanity of the human or temporal life. I live continually in a reverie of the future. I have no faith in human perfectibility. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active — not more happy — nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago. The result will never vary — and to suppose that it will, is to suppose that the foregone man has lived in vain — that the foregone time is but the rudiment of the future — that the myriads who have perished have not been upon equal footing with ourselves — nor are we with our posterity. I cannot agree to lose sight of man the individual, in man the mass."...

- 2 July 1844 letter to James Russell Lowell from Edgar Allan Poe.

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