First screenplay - read/review?

[duzenko]

I've been writing a screenplay over the last few months and could use some smart reads before I take it further.

"Erasure" — Civil War period drama, Shenandoah Valley, winter 1864-65. Three Confederate women shelter a Black stranger named Elias; their husbands return from Mosby's command at the end. About 64 pages. Restrained period prose. Has an unusual element late in the runtime that I'd most value people's read on.

https://e.pcloud.link/publink/show?code=XZ94qiZHE2hjDl8iCRI24ixDlfcehrikpxV

If you read any of it, I'd value the read. Most useful: did it hold you, and if you finished, what do you think happens at the end. If you stop somewhere, telling me where is also useful data.

No obligation. Whatever you give back is appreciated.

[SeriousToni]

I didn't read much as I am not good at reading very long texts or even books, but sinceno one answered yet: It feels unusually confident for a draft. It also feels like something written with a very clear tonal target instead of trying to imitate modern prestige tv dialogue rhythms, which helped it stand out. 

There's a doubled line at

INT. SMOKEHOUSE — EVENING (LATE NOVEMBER) Lamplit. Nora sets the basin on the floor. Pours the kettle. Steam rises off the water. She sets the basin on the floor. Pours the kettle. Steam rises off the water.

 It ain't much, but it hope it helps ! 

[grodenglaive]

I read the whole thing during a couple afternoons on a sunny patio. I've never read a screenplay before and it's not really my genre (it turned out it was in the end), but the story drew me in and kept my attention (which is a feat in its own). I quite enjoyed it. I don't have any constructive criticism, but I think it could make a good short film or episode - something that's original and not the usual Hollywood slop.  

[grodenglaive]

What do I think happened at the end? 

Spoiler

I assumed Frederick is a time traveler of sorts and is able to embody Elias. He has visited this time and place before. Alternatively, I supposed it could be a holodeck type of sequence that he likes to replay.  I found the variants A and B less interesting.

 

Edited June 2 by grodenglaive

[duzenko]

On 6/2/2026 at 4:37 PM, grodenglaive said:

What do I think happened at the end? 

 

What about the plot twists? Artificial/ridiculous/cliche/exploiting, etc?

On 6/2/2026 at 4:27 PM, grodenglaive said:

I've never read a screenplay before and it's not really my genre 

Well, it's likely nobody's genre too, since they are only usually read for work by industry stuff anyway

Is it something you'd be interested to read as a long short story though?

Quote

 I don't have any constructive criticism, but I think it could make a good short film or episode

You're the first (maybe the only ever) person to read the whole thing, which is worth a lot.

I'll DM you with 'what it was supposed to mean' but the immediate and important takeaway for me is that the script fails in explaining itself clear enough (if it's even possible anyway).