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Worst Movies Ever


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Well, since we have a "Favourite Movie" thread, I thought a worst movie thread would also be in order to save people from watching them.

 

The worst movie that I personally watched was Copland with Sylvester Stallone. The performance was so bad and the story so boring that it was the first and ONLY time I seriously considered leaving the theater. I never left the theater because of a bad movie, but in this case I considered it, and only watched it till the end because my friend didn't want to go. But only because he couldn't stand the fact that he paid for the performance and wouldn't get a refund. :)

Gerhard

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Ok, Ill push up the stakes:

 

Under The Cherry Moon by Prince or the former symbol. :ph34r:

 

I actually fell asleep during this pile of crap, out like a light. Therefore I know nothing about it other than Prince was wearing some sort of rinestone cape getup with fur trim.

 

Independence Day The worst part of this monstrosity was the fact that Randy Fucking Quaid was the big hero in the end. You may remember him as the moron who after not flying a fighter jet in 25 years hops into an F-15, shoots down advanced alien fighters, and then rams it into the Mothership. This was also the movie that had an Apple laptop infecting an alien computer with a virus. Apples can barely talk with PCs but they can interface with alien technology?

 

Stallone is a zombie, the only good role he ever played was in Rocky 1 and Rambo 1. Not that they are my favorite movies either but at least he seemed to meet the needs of the role. Now he is Big Hollywood Product, they insert him into stuff just to show his reptilian face.

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Stallone is a zombie, the only good role he ever played was in Rocky 1 and Rambo 1.

 

Funnily enough I always thought that Rambo 1 had an actual message. The keysentence I always remember about this movie when he says something like "They are creating a killermachine out of the boys, trust them machinery worth several billions of dollars in terms of helicopters, machineguns, etc., but when they come back from Vietnam, they are suddenly considered bums you wouldn't even trust to carry 10 USD to the bank for you." Maybe my view is wrong but from my impression, this was a pretty good description of ex-vietnam soldiers at that time.

Gerhard

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(despite all the hype about how much more "human" it was than Armageddon).

 

 

I love it when some yo-yo movie critic tries to "analyze" what is clearly pure shit, to get at the deeper significance of the the 4000th appearence of Bruce Willis or J-Lo. Here in Philadelphia we have this guy Patrick Stoner who rates movies and interviews the "talents" that make them. Well, he doesnt really rate them I guess, since he NEVER HAS ANYTHING AT ALL BAD TO SAY ABOUT ANY OF THEM. EVER. NOT ONCE IN HIS LIFE.

 

He had those two baboons from "The Weddingcrashers" on a few weeks back, asking them how they managed to work themselves so deeply into the complex roles of college buds who fuck drunk girls at weddings. They paused to reflect for a moment and then explained how the roles came rather naturally. They were serious.

 

The absolute worst part part is when Stoner wraps up each interview, like the one he did with Jessica Simpson for the new "Dukes of Hazzard." She was explaining how she had always dreamed of a role like Daisy Duke when alas time ran out. Stoner stops, glances at the camera with this smug look thats telling you "Arent we so lucky to be here to witness all this breathtaking creativity?" and then barely containing his delight whispers goodnight to you. I want to put his eyes out with a cigarette at that moment.

 

I agree that Rambo was sending that message, but the blame was mostly displaced. It wasnt the average American citizen or Jane Fonda (scum!) that failed the Nam vets, it was the government/military. They were used up, denied benefits, left to rot in mental institutions, dumped into inadequately funded transitioning programs, and all of this under the cloud of having failed to win the day.

Edited by Maximius
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I love it when some yo-yo movie critic tries to "analyze" what is clearly pure shit, to get at the deeper significance of the the 4000th appearence of Bruce Willis or J-Lo. 

 

After having seen one movie with the "famous" J-Lo, I know to turn of the TV when her name appears in the cast. I have seen one full movie and another one partially and I think I know enough that "boring" is a rather kind word to what she does to a movie.

 

I agree that Rambo was sending that message, but the blame was mostly displaced.  It wasnt the average American citizen or Jane Fonda (scum!)  that failed the Nam vets, it was the government/military.  They were used up, denied benefits, left to rot in mental institutions, dumped into inadequately funded transitioning programs, and all of this under the cloud of having failed to win the day.

 

Actually I didn't think, from the movie, that the normal people were to blame. It came across very well that the goverment is the cause of this. needless to say that the secopnd two parts were just rip offs without an message.

Gerhard

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They can't fuck with their movie star guests, or say anything other than how much they loved their latest movie, otherwise they'd never get any more actors to come on the show. The actors don't do the chatshow circut because they want to, they do it because it's part of their contract to promote the movie.

The promotors would stop booking any show that said anything less than good about one of their movies, and the shows need star guests to survive.

It's all just one big love-in.

Civillisation will not attain perfection until the last stone, from the last church, falls on the last priest.

- Emil Zola

 

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Girl Next Door

 

Mindhunters

 

The Recruit

 

The Brotherhood of the Wolf (english title) - I know a lot of people liked this movie, but not me.

 

Primer*

 

any romantic comedy (okay, that's a personal bias)

 

*Okay I liked the movie, but it deserves honorable mention in worst-movies ever for having an intentionally unintelligible ending 15 minutes. According to the writer/director, this was done in order to make people watch it again.

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Resident Evil 1 & 2

 

Alien Vs Predator

 

Doom (Ok, I know it hasnt been released, so im judging it prematurely, but I seriously can't see it doing very well; esp. considering how bad the game was)

 

Alone in the Dark

 

Pretty Much any game made into a movie

 

I really can't stand movies that are based on games. I think alot of games, like Alone in the Dark, can have quite deep and interesting storylines, and could become really really great movies. But Hollywood, after its successes with some of its comic remakes seems to be churning out as many low budget game remakes as it can, for whatever reason. Paul Anderson; the 'genius' responsible for Resident Evil and Alien Vs. predator, IMO is such a complete mental fucktard he should have director's deck-chair being broken over his head as opposed to letting him sit in one. I mean sure, not all games have great story lines to them (Particularly 1st Person Shooters) but why is it that the Alien Vs. Predator 2 game had a better script, character interaction and ambience, using poor voice acting and un-emotive models and animations; than a movie with real actors?

 

Uwe Bolle, the guy responsible for Alone in the Dark is also on par with Anderson as being a crazy son of a bitch who likes "Big Gun Battlez!1!" and "CG Monsters cos they're Scary!!!" and is someone I wouldnt even allow to direct a kindergarten nativity play; unless we wanted gratuitous sex scenes and baby jesus with a flamethrower.

 

Its a shame that there are some great games, with good and interesting and intelligent story's to them out there; and hollywood allows a bunch of fucking retards to butcher them into poorly choreographed CG / Kung Fu / Gun fighting scenes, playing over and over again throughout the movie, with a 'cool' heavy metal soundtrack.

 

Anyway i've had my rant hehe; maybe there is one movie out there based on a game that is good; but I have yet to see it.

Edited by SplaTtzZ
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I hated the Matrix trilogy...

 

I generally prefer movies with no-name actors to ones with all-star casts, because usually movie studios think that if they pop a famous actor in it, it will automatically make the movie good without any semblence of a plot or character development.

 

...yet to see a Spielberg movie I like.

 

Independence Day, Armageddon etc are typical of the USA patriotic propaganda that serve mainly to piss off anyone who isn't an American...

 

 

I hate the way hollywood movies pay some famous actor $50M to appear in some film, as though it would be no good without a lesser known, but better, actor.

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Alien vs. Predator and Alone in the Dark was pretty bad, agreed. That is all the more saddening, because I always liked AITD and the Lovecroft Universe, and this movie just took the name.

 

I think the first Matrix was pretty good. One of the rare movies that I have watched over and over again and still do. The second part had some fantastic action sequenzes, but the story dragged and seemed rather artificial to me. Especially that crap discussion with the oracle or the other with the politician was horrible. And the third part, well, needless to say that I don't even remember a single scene from it, so remarkable was it. :)

 

I'm aware that it is hard to make a second part after you made a surprise success, but I suer don't believe that this was all planned as a triology right from the start. If it really was, then they did a bad job of it.

Gerhard

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The Wing Commander Movie!!!! I knew there was a shit movie I couldn't think of. Just came to me when you mentioned alone in the dark not doing the game justice.

 

Man this movie just took the name, the fact that it was a space battle with space ships, and the similarities ended abrubtly there.

 

The actual ships, plot, characters had nothing to do with the game, they didnt even try to explain it off by setting it in a different timeline.

 

To top it all off, the movie sucked total ass as a movie in its own rights.

 

I don't know what audience they were targeting with this approach. By making it have nothing to do with the game, they alienated the gamers. By making the movie shit, they alienated everyone else.

:/

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I think the first Matrix was pretty good. One of the rare movies that I have watched over and over again and still do. The second part had some fantastic action sequenzes, but the story dragged and seemed rather artificial to me. Especially that crap discussion with the oracle or the other with the politician was horrible. And the third part, well, needless to say that I don't even remember a single scene from it, so remarkable was it. :)

 

I'm aware that it is hard to make a second part after you made a surprise success, but I suer don't believe that this was all planned as a triology right from the start. If it really was, then they did a bad job of it.

Yeah that's pretty much it. Well Xion being invaded and the ensuing battle was pretty amazing to watch, I can see it was the crux of the movie, but it didn't make up for the rest of it.

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Yeah that's pretty much it.  Well Xion being invaded and the ensuing battle was pretty amazing to watch, I can see it was the crux of the movie, but it didn't make up for the rest of it.

 

The special effects were excellent as always, but they don't make up a good movie. Of course if the movie were just a collection of these SpecialFX I could have lived with it, but what they presented as a story and acting was utter crap.

Gerhard

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I liked how the Matrix started in the first half of the film, but the ending lost me, and the sequels were just a series of CG vignettes that did nothing to salvage the rapidly degenerating story. The ending of the third film was truly awful.

 

Some movies get fucked up royally when sequels make it into the picture. The right way to do sequels is to have the sequel planned from the beginning, eg LoTR (although there were some sections of the book that were left out of the film that I would have liked to have seen). Pitch Black was a brilliant film (IMO), but while I enjoyed the sequel, Chronicles of Riddick, I was annoyed that they introduced all that mystical rubbish and I can imagine a much less silly alternative story. Thats what happens when you get a big budget for a sequel - all caried away with SFX and forgetting plot, story and character development.

 

Small budget movies are very often much better than big budget special effects extravaganzas, because you need to rely on an actual story and decent acting to carry the film, rather than a string of eye candy.

 

Sequels are usually a cynical attempt by movie studios to wring out every last cent from a film idea.

Edited by obscurus
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You gotta give Vin Diesel credit though; he made a really good Riddick. Did anyone play Escape from Butcher Bay? I thought that it was a good movie-turn-game; and kept the feel of the movies quite well, though i was surprised (and a little disappointed) at how they decided to grant Riddick his night-sight. Xhibit as Abbot the Guard was awesome; and it was great the way they got alot of the actors from the movie for voice acting.

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And the Matrix; well i thought the first one was great, especially above the sequels. I think it was because the Martial Arts were more realistic in the first one. The second one had alot more fake stuff; and the final battle at the end of the third one? IMO that fight was just retarded. I'm quite a big fan of the old (and new) chinese Kung Fu and Wuxia movies where guys are flying through the air and doing totally impossible martial arts stuff. I think its because they're either humurous or artistic; like Hero; and also because they don't abundantly use CG actors. The 2nd and 3rd Matrix's took themselves way to seriously to be funny; and used far too much CG Neo to warrant what I would I call a good fight scene (though i'll make an exception for the Neo vs. Seraph one). The movie series which started out so promising ended up shooting itself in the foot.

 

Another movie that did the same thing was Blade 2; which had some CG department butcher the fight scenes into something resembling the game Virtua-fighter, only with worse graphics. I preffered the 1st and 3rd movies much more. I know CG stuff is hard, but it has to be done well in a fight scene otherwise it looks crap; in that case I would prefer actors flying through the air with strings attached to them.

Edited by SplaTtzZ
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Didn't like Blade really. Funny thing is, when I watched movies with Wesely Snipes in a secondary role he was usually good, but all movies I have seen with him as main character, so far, seem to be quite boring. They tend to rely on his name and cool outfit, and not much more.

Gerhard

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Napoleon Dynamite was actually fairly decent especially in light of the budget, do you have any idea how little they spent on it? No name actors? That alone makes it cool in my book. Though I have only watched it once and don't have a burning desire to see it again.

 

Copland btw I thought was a good role for stallone actually. He is good at playing a has been if you know what I mean :P

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