Looking for help with story / readables / ...

[angua]

We (Greebo and myself) have been working on this ancient mission of ours for quite a few years. It is mostly finished (haha well at least mostly playable) but what we still don't have is a great story. We have had a few ideas but were not quite happy with them.

It is a

Spoiler

church

type of mission with

Spoiler

surrounding outdoor area and two monastery side buildings with living quarters for builder guards and priests, a small prison ...

 

Who would like to help us to come up with a badass story and objectives?

We could also use some help with readables (I'm not that good with ye olde english) and maybe some input/feedback on the map.

 

Here are a few screenshots:

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

[datiswous]

Spoiler

Instead of making a typical thief mission where you loot the place, the player could be a character living in the church, or be a friend of a priest who lives there. Somebody died recently and you doubt it was a natural dead, maybe because of something that occured to you recently. You overheard a conversation (cutscene?), or the dead person had sent you a letter earlier (befor they died) with hints that suspect something.

Or you come as an agent on a mission for the church to figure out why more and more people at the church are missing. You suspect the bishop turned into a vampire/werebeast/whatever and you have to find a proper cure...

Anyway, I think there are probably better storytellers around.

 

[nbohr1more]

I helped with the story on a few missions: Elixir, Behind Closed Doors, Written in Stone.

Spoiler

Maybe this church is the emergence of an old sect of Builders who were thought to no longer practice / exist.

They incorporate Imperial lineage into their beliefs and treat the Emperor as a quasi-messianic figure.

Your task is to sneak into their records and retrieve proof that they are a heretic church.

?

 

[datiswous]

2 minutes ago, nbohr1more said:

Maybe this church is the emergence of an old sect of Builders who were thought to no longer practice / exist.

Maybe a dark ritual at the start of the mission would be nice.

[cvlw]

I am going to sort-of reveal that this is loosely like the nature of my upcoming mission.  I noted it here when JackFarmer asked about things that are coming along in this post:

https://forums.thedarkmod.com/index.php?/profile/37993-jackfarmer/&status=3943&type=status

It too is a builder church.  The player is requested by a hopefully famous character in another mission to handle some business that is affecting the congregation.  I am looking to invoke some info and history laid down in other missions as a hook story.

Spoiler

The player is requested to go to the church located in the mountains northeast of Braeden and expose and eliminate a heretic that has been influencing the congregation and corrupting things.  The back stories of Grimmore, Bolen, St Nathaniel, Murius the pagan orphan, and maybe others are gelling into a story.

 

[snatcher]

8 hours ago, datiswous said:

  Hide contents

Or you come as an agent on a mission for the church to figure out why more and more people at the church are missing.

The Name of the Rose.

Edited January 16 by snatcher

[OrbWeaver]

21 hours ago, snatcher said:

The Name of the Rose.

Is that the one with the really confusing labyrinthine library that nobody's allowed to go into? I always thought that would make an excellent (part of a) Dark Mod mission.

[ChronA]

My friend and I came up with a pitch for you. I think we would also be interested in helping you with dialogue and read-ables writing regardless of the story you chose.

Spoiler

Our idea is to create a story that pits an NPC based on Bolen from A House of Locked Secrets against one based on Ulysses from Protecting the flock, in a battle of influence for the soul of the player character. Here’s a rough sketch…

The player character is the groundskeeper at the church. He is at liberty to traverse the yard at night but is not allowed inside. In the briefing the PC gets a letter from Brother Bolen (B), who is a new priests at the church, saying that B knows that the groundskeeper’s has a criminal past, just like him, and he wants them to follow his own path to atonement. He asks the PC to meet him in secret.

Thus the player’s starting objective is to meet Brother B.
Optional objectives are:

1. Commit no sins of violence (failed if the player ever attacks anyone, including knockouts)
2. Commit no sins of greed (failed if the player picks up any loot before talking to B )
3. Thou shall not kill (failed if the player ever kills anyone)
4. Thou shall not steal (failed if the player ever picks up any loot or equipment, except in their own living quarters)

At the meeting, B gives the player more exposition and objectives. B is a covert inquisitor who has learned that one of the relics stored in the church is the heretical Cup of Transgressions, and a blasphemous cult is using it to defile the other relics. Your new objectives are:

1. Bring the Cup of Transgressions to Brother B.
2. Find evidence about a list of characters at the church, either condemning or exonerating them of evil-doing. (Each character is their own objective.)
3. Optional: Gather up at least [X] treasures from the church for safekeeping.

Now the twist, one of the characters you investigate is Brother U, based on Ulysses.  He leaves a letter for you to find requesting a similar meeting. Brother U is a fanatical vigilante who plans to purge the church of evil. He just wants your evidence on everyone first, including Brother B. This makes finding evidence on U optional, and add a new optional objective to find evidence on Brother B.

Now, as you complete your objectives, 3 different win conditions become available:

1. You can deliver the evidence and loot to B, and he will instruct you to escape with it all and a letter from him to deliver to the inquisitors in Bridgeport. The contents of the letter change if you failed Commit no sins of violence or Commit no sins of greed, but it does not affect your victory.
2. You can deliver the evidence to U. Brother U will announce his intention to kill every sinner in the place. If you did not fail Thou shall not kill or Thou shall not steal, then you win. Otherwise U will turn hostile and your only remaining victory condition is to escape alive.
3. You can complete a blasphemous ritual to drink from the Cup of Transgressions. This will remove all previous objectives, and add mandatory new ones to steal [X] loot and escape. Do those to win.

 

Edited January 17 by ChronA

[snatcher]

3 hours ago, OrbWeaver said:

Is that the one with the really confusing labyrinthine library that nobody's allowed to go into? I always thought that would make an excellent (part of a) Dark Mod mission.

Agree!

EDIT - I have a vague memory of a T2 mission with a labyrinthine stair puzzle, probably inspired by the movie or by Escher's Relativity, but I don't remember the name of the FM

Edited January 17 by snatcher

[chakkman]

On 1/16/2024 at 9:16 PM, snatcher said:

The Name of the Rose.

A story like that would do nice in such a mission.

[angua]

Ooooh so many interesting ideas!

On 1/16/2024 at 12:23 PM, datiswous said:

  Reveal hidden contents

Instead of making a typical thief mission where you loot the place, the player could be a character living in the church, or be a friend of a priest who lives there. Somebody died recently and you doubt it was a natural dead, maybe because of something that occured to you recently. You overheard a conversation (cutscene?), or the dead person had sent you a letter earlier (befor they died) with hints that suspect something.

Or you come as an agent on a mission for the church to figure out why more and more people at the church are missing. You suspect the bishop turned into a vampire/werebeast/whatever and you have to find a proper cure...

Anyway, I think there are probably better storytellers around.

 

We had a similar story at one point, where the player has to pose as an acolyte and investigate the death of the former high priest, talking to several members, finding a way to enter the restricted area... After a while setting up all the triggers and conversations and scripts turned into a huge PITA - although it was quite funny to start a conversation and then walk off, having them talk to thin air

 

On 1/16/2024 at 8:19 PM, cvlw said:

I am going to sort-of reveal that this is loosely like the nature of my upcoming mission.  I noted it here when JackFarmer asked about things that are coming along in this post:

https://forums.thedarkmod.com/index.php?/profile/37993-jackfarmer/&status=3943&type=status

It too is a builder church.  The player is requested by a hopefully famous character in another mission to handle some business that is affecting the congregation.  I am looking to invoke some info and history laid down in other missions as a hook story.

  Hide contents

The player is requested to go to the church located in the mountains northeast of Braeden and expose and eliminate a heretic that has been influencing the congregation and corrupting things.  The back stories of Grimmore, Bolen, St Nathaniel, Murius the pagan orphan, and maybe others are gelling into a story.

 

I'll see to it that our story is not too similar. Although also placing our mission in the same universe and have some familiar characters appear (or at least being mentioned) would be a nice idea.

 

12 hours ago, ChronA said:

My friend and I came up with a pitch for you. I think we would also be interested in helping you with dialogue and read-ables writing regardless of the story you chose.

  Hide contents

Our idea is to create a story that pits an NPC based on Bolen from A House of Locked Secrets against one based on Ulysses from Protecting the flock, in a battle of influence for the soul of the player character. Here’s a rough sketch…

The player character is the groundskeeper at the church. He is at liberty to traverse the yard at night but is not allowed inside. In the briefing the PC gets a letter from Brother Bolen (B), who is a new priests at the church, saying that B knows that the groundskeeper’s has a criminal past, just like him, and he wants them to follow his own path to atonement. He asks the PC to meet him in secret.

Thus the player’s starting objective is to meet Brother B.
Optional objectives are:

1. Commit no sins of violence (failed if the player ever attacks anyone, including knockouts)
2. Commit no sins of greed (failed if the player picks up any loot before talking to B )
3. Thou shall not kill (failed if the player ever kills anyone)
4. Thou shall not steal (failed if the player ever picks up any loot or equipment, except in their own living quarters)

At the meeting, B gives the player more exposition and objectives. B is a covert inquisitor who has learned that one of the relics stored in the church is the heretical Cup of Transgressions, and a blasphemous cult is using it to defile the other relics. Your new objectives are:

1. Bring the Cup of Transgressions to Brother B.
2. Find evidence about a list of characters at the church, either condemning or exonerating them of evil-doing. (Each character is their own objective.)
3. Optional: Gather up at least [X] treasures from the church for safekeeping.

Now the twist, one of the characters you investigate is Brother U, based on Ulysses.  He leaves a letter for you to find requesting a similar meeting. Brother U is a fanatical vigilante who plans to purge the church of evil. He just wants your evidence on everyone first, including Brother B. This makes finding evidence on U optional, and add a new optional objective to find evidence on Brother B.

Now, as you complete your objectives, 3 different win conditions become available:

1. You can deliver the evidence and loot to B, and he will instruct you to escape with it all and a letter from him to deliver to the inquisitors in Bridgeport. The contents of the letter change if you failed Commit no sins of violence or Commit no sins of greed, but it does not affect your victory.
2. You can deliver the evidence to U. Brother U will announce his intention to kill every sinner in the place. If you did not fail Thou shall not kill or Thou shall not steal, then you win. Otherwise U will turn hostile and your only remaining victory condition is to escape alive.
3. You can complete a blasphemous ritual to drink from the Cup of Transgressions. This will remove all previous objectives, and add mandatory new ones to steal [X] loot and escape. Do those to win.

 

I like stories with multiple possible endings

Looks like I have to (re)play some TDM missions then.

 

16 hours ago, OrbWeaver said:

Is that the one with the really confusing labyrinthine library that nobody's allowed to go into? I always thought that would make an excellent (part of a) Dark Mod mission.

Mmh, we do have a library, but it is probably too small for such a degree of labyrinthinity.

[datiswous]

You steal a book from the library and go to an attic to read it (does this sound familiar?). You read 2 books that tell stories in different times of the church. You play these stories as the character in the book. When you get back there's a cutscene of you presenting the information or something else happens.

You could do this via a campaign structure, or just teleport to different sections in the map. This does mean you have to make 2 copies with some changes in them.

It might for example be that in the first book (mission/story) you find info about a secret entrance, which you can look for in the original world.

Ironically A house of locked secrets has a nice example of this idea.